Well anyway.
I came out twice.
First, on my best friend's bed.
(Wait, not what you're thinking)
And second, in our dinner.
(See what I mean?)
But in doing so, I just didn't feel FREE. I thought a burden would just get off of me. But instead, a new friggin stone was replaced for me to drag all over the place.
I CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST CAME OUT.
Seriously.
OH MY GOD.
What came to my mind was simple:
THEY KNOW WHO I AM.
And I'm supposed to be reserved about everything. I'm not open to talking about the guys I like or if I even *you know* about guys! It's just WRONG. For me. With them. Anyway. Or with my friends. I can't answer them as truthfully as I would have wanted because the judgment just lingers there and it's hard to just throw away.
I like them. I trust them. But come on. I can't share so many things about myself. It's not only theirs, it's also MY world we're changing.
If I can go back, I would have rather not said a thing!
I'm starting to even think I'm straight!
I mean think about it.
I have only fallen in love with ONE GUY.
Only ever liked, and I mean seriously liked - 4 GUYS.
Admired lots of course.
But the same would almost be for girls:
Never loved a girl. Yet.
Liked around 6 girls, and I mean the type that I would court. And almost courted some of them by the way.
And still get turned on with their porn!
And the same goes for gay. BUT STILL. My taste in guys is so selective it's almost impossible for me to know who I really am.
I said, I'll go with the flow. Sure. But what if that flow will lead me to a friggin WATERFALL?
Currently, I'm torn.
I like guys, better yet, I like a guy - Joshua. As of now.
But I like girls too - 2 in my office in fact!
And I'm not even selective when it comes to girls. I'm fine with OK LANG. But when it comes to guys, they have to fit a certain mold - a certain level of hotness.
WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?
Now they'll look at me and think - You're wasting that girl's time.
I don't know anymore.
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