Drifting Apart

Since last Thursday, I've had difficulty looking at Josh in the eye.

Because.

I hate him.

The reason is simple - I'm getting too over my head thinking he can be mine, when in fact, there's nothing there. I'm putting everything into my perspective of things. And I realized this when at our dinner, with friends, one of them blurted out a girl, I believe, he's dating. I was angry. So much so, that after that, I took one last look at him, then turned cold.

My craving for him just died, just like that. And turned to hate. To a degree, I believe, is too unbearable for him - because he obviously doesn't know what the heck is going on.

Like I mentioned before, he'd drop by our house. Eat. Use the internet. Then leave. But the day after that, he didn't. All the way til Monday. I was hoping he wouldn't drop by, but he did. My heart was pounding like crazy. I wanted to choke him, shout at him to leave. But I couldn't.

He came near my laptop, all smiles. Thinking, we're okay. All I did was raise both my eyebrows twice, a form of acknowledgement. And he just smiled... Our helper asked what food he can eat, because we had no rice left. I told her to look for anything available.

He ate outside, without me in conversation. My door was closed to the world.

He started using the internet by our living room. I came out of my room, looked at him, raised my eyebrows twice again. Went inside. Went to bed. Tried to sleep. But failed.

I was just so angry, I just thought about random things for 4 hours on my bed.

The day that followed, my mom had this padlock policy. Josh doesn't know about it. She told me to tell him. I didn't. He texted me, I looked at him. Put my phone back down. Then went back to what I was doing. He wanted to come over - I pretended I didn't receive his message.

So he didn't come. The morning I replied by saying a cold - Oo andito kami.

The next day, a Wednesday. He texted again. This time. I did not reply.

Afterwards. Nothing. It's like FINALLY he felt there's something wrong. That FINALLY, he has to think twice before texting me anything.

I was - and still am - cold as ice. I can be. And that's one thing people should be afraid of, with me. The moment I realize I don't value you enough, anymore. I'll shut you out. And you wouldn't even know why.

I'm waiting for him to confront me. But it seems that it might take a while longer of no replies.

Doesn't matter. He's pretty much dead to me.