Robbed

Robbed.

This is the title that best fits me now.

If you've been following my blog for quite some time. You would know, that I was a virgin and that I had no experience, whatsoever with guys. But for some reason, all this changed last Sunday. I lost it all, for nothing.

I told myself, this will be fine. It will be an experience, no matter what happens, whether we talk or take it to another level. My first meet-up, I have to say. He was pushy, and I was in constant fear of being ignored. He was hotter than I could have imagined. He showed his photos, and he was exactly my type. So I was weak for him.

I kept on pushing that we just talk, that he'd be the one to come over to where I usually stayed. But no. He was the boss. And I was his slave. Mesmerized as I was by his gorgeous smile, I said, Yes. Let's do this.

I hopped on to the cab all the way to Robinsons Ermita, where we were supposed to meet. I was nervous as hell. You couldn't imagine. But I just kept on saying - it's an experience, something you'd want to tell. And duh, he's hot.

I waited. He texted me to go somewhere else, most likely so that he could see me from afar, without showing his face. How that irritated me. At the end of it, he eventually said - Not My Type.

Ouch. Seriously? You made me go all this way. A fat guy wearing green passed by me, and I thought, it must be him. How could I be so stupid to think that somebody that hot could actually want to meet up with me? I looked normal, and judging from the hot guys in PR, it would have been easy for him.

He never showed. And my ego died a natural death.

The strangest thing happened though, in the midst of my crushing. Somebody texted, told me if I wanted to meet up - in Robinsons Ermita. The place where I was. Such a coincidence I thought. I gave my number to 3 other guys, could it be possible, that one of them was this unknown?

I got excited. I wanted to talk, I wanted to know what it was like. I didn't want to have sex, I just. Needed. To. Talk.

So coincidental. My bruised ego, a random texter telling me he sent his photos over PR and he lived nearby Robinsons Ermita - exactly what my supposed "hot" meet up lived as well. How could I not have seen this coming? How can somebody orchestrate such an amazing, but disdainful plot?

IS THIS ALL IN MY HEAD? Or could you have tricked me?

I went in his condo. And when I told him, after the long awkward silence of me just sitting on a stool - that I was going to just leave. My ego was bruised, so I assumed, maybe I'm really not attractive. Here he comes directing me to the door, and there goes his hand, caressing my cock.

I was PETRIFIED. I was shocked. Stunned. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I kept on saying to myself. WHAT WILL I DO? I kept on fumbling. I was coming and going. I wanted to leave, but he kept on pushing me back, he kissed my lips - I'VE NEVER BEEN KISSED BEFORE. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!

I was not turned on at all. I was far more scared than I've ever been my entire life. I was helpless. I could have said no. I swear, I know I could have said NO. BUT I DIDN'T and now my tears would almost squeeze out of me, but my strength just keeps me hanging on.

He pushed my head to his cock. Small cock that one. He made me suck it, I could swallow it whole. He gestured me to go up, then he started kissing me again. I was taller than him by 3 inches or so, but he was able to reach me. He held my hand and motioned me to the bed. He told me to take off my shorts and my brief, and I did. I paused, thinking, maybe I can still stop this. But again, I didn't. It was a double decked bed, and he stared at my cock. He was amazed at how big it was, and he couldn't swallow it well enough. He dragged me down again towards his cock, and had me suck it again. He loved it. I didn't. We kissed again, but then I stopped. He asked me if I wanted to do it - I COULD HAVE SAID NO. But I didn't, I sat there motionless. He told me I was too dramatic - and that I was.

I couldn't get myself hard enough. I was thinking too much about all I was losing, and what I was doing - because I had no clue what I was doing right or wrong. I wanted him to tell me, but he treated me like I was a whore who should know what I was supposed to do - despite having told him I was a freaking virgin.

I cummed. But it wasn't out of lust. I just wanted it over. I wanted to scream at myself. I hated myself at that point, and until today. He destroyed me, without him really knowing the impact. He got his fair share, I got nothing out of it but a broken morale.

I need help. I'm never doing this again.