Next Door Josh

He's always in my house.
We eat together because he's got nothing back at his apartment.

I support him.

It's like a fantasy I've wanted. Him with me in a house, all to our selves. Where we can do anything we want.
Sometimes, I'd wish he'd just grab my hand. Like that time when we were at this mall. He was picking kitchenware for his crib. I accompanied him. We looked like a couple. He'd stand so close to me I could smell his sweet scent from his nape. Department store guys, obviously gay, would stare at us. Maybe in marvel at how we can be together. Everything made it seem as though we were an US.
When in fact, it's all an illusion.
He is handsome. There's no denying that. I look ok, but I am taller than him.
It made it SEEM. We SEEMED to be together. How I wish this illusion was true.
I'd stand so close, I'd reach out my hand, nearing his fingertips - which at times I mistakenly touch. I'd wish he'd just grab my hand. That's all I ask. Even for a brief moment, make people see, even for a little while.

When we eat, he'd wear this white shirt and jersey shorts. I could see almost through him. How nicely built he is. Not my type, but good enough. Sometimes, when he lifts his legs up, I'd see a portion of skin out in the open. I gaze at how toned his thighs are, even if he's a bit stocky. In fact, he's stocky, but quite toned. His arms too show leanness. His legs, his thighs - oh how I'd love to creep my hand all the way towards his crotch.

I could see myself drooling. And to avoid his glance, I'd just look back at the TV. Pretend as though I'm watching.

We'd sit by the living room. Him, transfixed on his laptop. I, on mine.
Even by the dimness of the light from his laptop, I could see how gorgeous his face is. His thick brow, that pointed nose and full lips. So mestizo that he is. He glows.

Me, wanting to extend my foot. Touch him bare.

All the while knowing I could never have him.

Such a burden to almost live with the one you want so much. I just want distance now. I just want to keep him away.

What's New

I'm at a new stage in my life, by this, I mean a new career.

It's different in a way because for my first job, I had a group I could say I belonged to. We would wait minutes for one another, just so that we'd be complete when we eat out. We're around 10 in that group, and we all connect very well. I was happy and content with the constant outpour of support. They were people I knew I can still hang out with even when I change companies.

True enough, they still gave me their support when I left for a new (and better) job - when it comes to compensation and benefits and company integrity. It has been awhile since we have all met. So I do miss them. Especially since I'm a lone new hire in my new job. It's different, because we did not go in batches. I have no group to call my barkada.

It was lonely at first. I sat quietly at my cubicle. Everyone was busy. There was no one for me to talk to. Which made it quite easy for me to watch people work. And watch people - because they're so freaking gorgeous. I am not kidding. Most girls and most guys there were hot. Mid 20's, but still. Even the bosses are hot at a ripe age of 30 or so.

There were 4 people that immediately jumped from the scene - aside from my hot boss of course - Miss Chinita - she's cute, she's Chinese - what more can I say. She's sexy too. She's the first person I saw and said WOW to, in the office (in my head).

- Tall Chinese Boy - Standing more than 6 feet, this statuesque hottie had gorgeous cheek bones, was lean and wore glasses (I'm a sucker for guys with glasses, girls too). He was promising. Especially since when I was being introduced to others, I caught him looking at me - hoping that there's a reason behind that smile. He was somebody I'd love to get to know. Definitely. And hoping of course, that he's gay - much like the other guy:

- Lean Hottie - he had well kept brows, I mean, it's nicely bushy, he was mestizo-hin, and quiet as he sat by his PC. But in one conversation we had in the pantry - his voice and demeanor was surely screaming gay to me. And I think it's not much of a secret with his tight polo and pants embracing his hot body.

- Chubby Princess - she's cute, and her smile - majestic. She's the one person I said I'd want a relationship with. The most feasible one.

As the days progressed, I changed locations and sat beside - drum roll please -

Tall Chinese Boy

Who is not only hot - but is also friendly and talkative at the right moments. We'd sit next to each other with our seats reclined and just talk casually for minutes! It was great conversation.

He kept on touching his body every now and then, which makes me look, and see how lean he is.

He could model. I swear he could. He's that gorgeous. But he's the kind of guy, that has no idea that he is. He wore big clothes most of the time. He looked sloppy. But in his magic moments when he'd wear this all black polo with matching grey pants attire - he seemed ready for the runway. Especially when he wore his plaid polo with two buttons... unbuttoned. My eyes were begging for more. He was so hot and his humility made me want him more.

But he's also straight.

I think. He's currently dating, but no commitment.

I'll just enjoy talking to him, and pretend as though I'm just making proper eye contact. When in reality - I'm staring at his face, memorizing his angles, imagining my hands caress his long neck.

Gah. Drool.