Friday, April 15, 2011

Next Door Buddy 2

The anticipation is killing me.
By the end of this month, he'll move in next door.

Just a few days ago, I just couldn't understand what I was feeling. A mix of excitement, but more of, annoyance?
He's so hard to crack. He keeps a lot of things to himself and he just forces a joke to ease the tension.
He keeps his secrets.
He goes with his machismo.

"Ang tunay na lalaki, hindi nagsasabi ng nararamdaman"

F THAT.

He'll be my neighbor. But we won't connect in anything. I'm frustrated.

There's a tension when I lean close to him, as he checks his social networking accounts.
He shows me this picture - I lean close, my legs slowly graze his, without being too obvious - he's touchy after all. This isn't a problem.
But it's killing me to know that all these afterthoughts are only happening in my head.

Yes, I'll say it. I want him.

But no, I can't mess it up now.

I don't know how we'll end up once he moves in - will he visit often? what will we do? will he make a move? will he finally admit he's gay - or straight? will he tell me he's in a relationship?

Will he explain why he has 3 damn phones?

Why all the mystery?

He boggles my mind so much, it's giving me unwanted stress.
My stomach's in a rumble, and I can't feel a thing.

I'm emotionless. And I don't know what to do.

I don't feel like talking to anyone, but I can't ignore them.

I cancelled all my plans.

I am alone.

And it's the only thing I know what to do, because right now.

I just hate everyone.

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