Of Pasts

I miss Carlo. I miss those times when he'd think I like him so he flirts a little bit.
I just keep on turning back to that day when I asked him about 3 dots on his hands and he muttered "I love you" in one brief, but very unforgettable, second.
He was what every guy(ish) would have wanted. He was charming, handsome, intelligent, sporty... Had niiice abs even for a sophomore in high school. Chinito. Funny. Hay. If only I sent him back the vibes, maybe flirted back. He'd either stop or push through with whatever plans he had then right? I miss him begging for my forgiveness. He knelt in front of me during mass. All my classmates were there. They saw it. He was there, kneeling, asking for my forgiveness. I thought I would mean nothing, but he made me feel like I am a whole lot more than just his seatmate.
I miss him enough that when I'd see him again, I just might tell him.

Speaking of people I miss. My first love had his 23rd birthday last Tuesday. And it felt like nothing. But sometimes, it just sweeps over you, you know? Like, I wish we were still connected it a way just so that I'd have an excuse to say hi... Or happy birthday.

Speaking of excuses. My friends and I went out yesterday, with Josh! Gah. It was the reason I said yes. I was too tired, but the opportunity was placed so... HEY! When I saw them, Josh was with a girl. My heart didn't even sink. Weird. It's like I didn't care. She wasn't even pretty! But in the end, it turned out they were just friends. It was no biggie. THANK GOD. Because the message he's been sending me last night was too good to be true. I mean, he was touching me all over - my chest, my abs, my shoulders. It's like he's pressing a little bit just so that he could feel me. It was weird for me so I'd just brush him off. But damn, my zipper would just open by itself from those things. But it's true though. My zipper does open by itself... And this is where the juicy part comes in.

So there I was with him in the CR. For some reason, my zipper broke for sure. It really opened up. You know, like, it's open in a way that you cannot close it. He wanted to take a look! So I showed him. It even felt like he wanted to help me! I saw it in his eyes I swear. It was hot, I was getting sweaty at that moment. I rushed trying to go out because I don't think I'd be able to handle it! Even when I was already at the door, it felt like he wanted to say something. He just stood there staring at me! Smirking!

It felt weird. I loved it though :)