Joshua 6

So here's the deal.
I have straight guy friends. A lot of them.
I have a lot of close straight guy friends. And only some effeminate ones. Most of the time these straight guys are the torpe guys. Some of them, the really brusque ones.
I have a close friend who's gigantic. Very manly. Can't mistake him as gay. I highly doubt he is.
So if guys like him. Who are my close friends. Try to kiss me on the mouth.
Grab my face. And point their mounts near mine. Trying to check how I'll react. To me. It means NOTHING. To them. It means NOTHING.
Point is. I know how it feels like when it's all just a joke. Nothing to it.
There's nothing to it. Means nothing to me.
When they:
Hug me.
Touch my pecks.
Caress my back.
Grab my face and pretend that they'll kiss me.
Kiss my shirt, specifically near the neck.
Graze my hands, and legs.
Grab my ass.

It means NOTHING.

So why is it that when Joshua does it. I feel so awkward.
I feel like there's something to it.

I actually have an answer to it. And it's because he's really cute. And I really like him.
In that when we chat or when we text for long hours. Even if he's the only one who does that with me. Or I to him. That it's his way of expressing himself as a friend. That we bond more through text and chat.
Cause come face to face, we don't really know what to say. Or how to greet each other. We pretend like we're not so close.

Until last night.

It was different. It was hot. We were sweaty. And so were everyone else in the party.
So when I decided to sit beside him together with the rest of my friends. I was surprised he leaned against my shoulder. It was hot. Not just in how I felt. But it was really hot. So body heat just adds up the already humid weather.
We leaned together. Back to back. I felt his sweat. He felt mine. I felt his back muscles and his weight pressed against mine. We were the only ones seated that way. And to both of us. We just didn't care. I tried to give him hints like, how hot it is and how much he's adding heat. But he just doesn't mind. I think he just tried to piss me off. Or maybe he just prefers it that way.

Even when we finally sat on a chair. He tried to sit on my lap. I told him my phone was there. So he moved to my other leg.

Of course I was turned on. His butt was on my leg. That's pretty close.

So he looked at me, grinning. Trying to see if I'll kick him out. Since I had a bunch of other straight guys there, I wouldn't want them to think I was enjoying it. (I really was enjoying his company, and the feel of his body next to mine). So I asked him to leave. To go to the other seat.
BECAUSE THERE WAS ANOTHER SEAT.

But no. He opted to sit on my seat. Back to back again. Sweaty. Humid. Sexy.

But that's all I got from him.

When I decided to switch seats. Just to make him feel like it's not as funny (if he thinks it is) as he thinks it is (I'm half hoping it's a way of playing hard to get. HAHA). I just stared at him every chance I got. During conversations when he'd speak up. And he'd stare back.

I'm starting to like him even more. I'm starting to want him near me most of the time.
I'm maybe falling for him. Another straight guy I assume.
So, I'm either just going to enjoy the false moments or act against it.

I'd rather live this fantasy.

There's no harm in imagination.

;)

Joshua 5

Side comment...
I HAVE NO IDEA how to to comment back. Thanks for commenting guys! I'm assuming you're all guys of course. HAHA.

So anyway.
Another Joshua blog.

JOSH. Fudge. Are you reading this? Because for some reason, you're getting a little bit close.

This is the THIRD time you tried to ask me out, to accompany you.
Sure, for the purpose of having someone with in the journey around Makati or Ortigas. But even I don't call just to ask if a friend of mine's available. I usually send random texts to my closest friends. You make it more personal. I'm not used to it.
It's the first time somebody asks me out on the phone. I know, I may be reading over this too much, but just think about it.
Out of nowhere, he calls. Asking me if I'm free next week. Asking me if I can come with him. And I expect only him.
Whenever he does. I usually say, I have an interview. Which I really do. Or, that we can bring other friends along. Maybe he just wants it to be us.
Maybe I'm the closest he has to someone who can hang around with here in Manila. I mean, he's not from NCR. He comes all the way from Bicol. So maybe I am a link to the heart of the country.
But I like the thought of Josh, slowly, introducing himself as liking me eventually. One day, he'd just say it. He won't need to hear me say out loud that I'm bi or whatever. He just takes the risk and tells me he likes me.
I'm taller than him. But he's really cute. He looks like Gerald Anderson at 5'7. That cute boy next door type. With a personality that's so magnetic.
Maybe we're just friends. He's straight I believe.
Although it's weird. He's never had a girlfriend. Or maybe he has, I never asked. But he never speaks aloud about women. Of the girls he likes. He tried courting someone, who eventually turned him down. But that's it. No one else.
I think he's hiding something. I just wish. That if he really is reading this. He'd know what to say.
I'm not sure if I want to accompany him though.
I have no reason to go to Makati. Unless a company calls me to go there.
It's nice to hear from him.

He's the only guy who calls me. The most to call me. And I don't think we're even super close. It comes out of nowhere. Friends call me because we had a conversation prior through text. Is he really just this comfortable on the phone?
He's the only guy who texts me, for over more than 10 messages. I mean. Saying "okipoki" would usually signal - end of conversation. Or a, HAHA. But no, he always finds something to say. I mean... WHAT will you reply to a - :) ??? I can't think of any. I won't reply anymore. But he does. And he asks even more questions. Sometimes, no questions at all. But just a reply.

Immortal text. Is it free text? I thought it just had no expiry? That's his line for Globe. But regardless. Regardless. My closest friends don't text me that long. Or call me for no reason. I may be reading too much into this. But I'm hoping that what I'm reading is actually true.