Crippling

Have you ever wondered when you'll ever be good enough?

You've been scouting Planetromeo, Jack'd, Grindr... Went as far as Hunter, Bender... And so many other apps looking for hook-ups, the one... Someone to talk to. And yet here you are, opening it once again. Checking for messages. Most unrequited. Most, just damning.

It's crippling - the loneliness you get after all that, hi's, musta's, how are you's. It's draining. It's frustrating. You end up always being alone in the end. You get your hook up. You're done for. The next thing you know, you're just back at it. Hoping that maybe one day you'll find that person who'll just take you as you are.

But you're never good enough. And at a certain point, you believe it yourself. You're fat. You've got so much acne. Your face is weird. You're too gay. You're voice is too annoying, too soft. You're just NOT enough. And you take it in, and you're left with Hope. But what the fuck can Hope get you?

Absolutely nothing. So ask yourself, what the fuck am I doing with my life? I'm here again. Checking again. Hoping again.

Just stop. Just STOP.

You're better than this and you deserve better. These people, and you yourself - you're part of that vicious cycle. It just tears you apart. You think eventually you're comfortable with it. But fuck, just think. Just, think for a minute. Think about yourself. Stare at the mirror, touch yourself. Ask yourself.

Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

I can't answer that for you. You can't answer that too, can you? You're still relying on how people perceive you. No. Not people. These digital beings perceive you.

You're fat. You're ugly. You're too gay. You're too masculine. You've got a weird smile. You're teeth are ugly.

You can never be who they want you to be. And you can never be that. So what do you want to do now?