Finally, I'm employed. In a very respectable firm. With lots of good looking people.
It's great to pass by someone, both of your eyes slowly crawling up to each other's faces just to check if he/she's good looking.
Or to check out somebody's body from the back, waiting for him/her to look right back.
And it's strange to be so unsure about the sexuality of so many guys in the office. Just because you feel like they are not straight.
And I hope they aren't.
If there's one thing that PR has taught me - do not be deceived by looks. Even the hottest guys can be curious.
With the muscular guy waiting in line for food, or with the cute geeky guy sitting with his friends, or the very hot Chinito working in his workstation - it's just confusing.
I hope they are not straight. But there's no way of knowing for sure.
Some are obvious. But some, just dress really well. Or some are just really soft-ish.
Kenny.
Chinese guy.
Muscular guy.
Three different guys I like.
How do I get to know them?
Friday, June 25, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Love, Actually
I think I'm in love.
And it was in a moment that I least expected it.
After falling in love the first time around, I would have imagined my heart to have learned - same sex relationships won't work, for me, at this time and for the people I fall in love with.
They're straight. As I believe them to be.
Will I be adding Joshua to my list?
I just cannot help but think about him. Look at him, even in photographs. I miss him, constantly.
Much the same way I felt about Mike.
But damn. This will not work, and I know it.
Plus, I think I finally realized that I'm not really that straight after all. Sure, I may like girls. But I've never fallen in love with one. What does that say about me?
Gay.
Hmm.
Still getting used to it.
And it was in a moment that I least expected it.
After falling in love the first time around, I would have imagined my heart to have learned - same sex relationships won't work, for me, at this time and for the people I fall in love with.
They're straight. As I believe them to be.
Will I be adding Joshua to my list?
I just cannot help but think about him. Look at him, even in photographs. I miss him, constantly.
Much the same way I felt about Mike.
But damn. This will not work, and I know it.
Plus, I think I finally realized that I'm not really that straight after all. Sure, I may like girls. But I've never fallen in love with one. What does that say about me?
Gay.
Hmm.
Still getting used to it.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Of Fantasies
So I've had my fill of Joshua blogs. But it's just cause I can't get enough of him.
Maybe I'm in love.
I've almost forgotten what it feels like. The last time that I was - it was way back then with Mike. The feeling of how your heart beats faster whenever he's near. Well that's not happening yet. But what does happen, is this awkwardness. This silence. This air of something, when there's nothing. Like a chill from an open window. You know where the chill is coming from. But you don't know if you like it or not.
We went out. My friends and I. Including Josh. Out on the beach. So as you would expect, it was a nice wet and sweaty time with the guys and girls. More particularly Josh.
We played Frisbee. While playing, I dream of having my body rub his. Slowly with the roughness you'd get from hitting each other. Ten minutes later it happened. I was reaching for the disk, when he comes right after. Our bodies collide. My insides felt like it moved. And I lay there on the sand. With him right next to me. Our bodies touched. But it wasn't as sexy as I thought it would be. It hurt.
When we walked out with my friends. He'd usually stay close to me. And when we do. Our hands touch every now and then. The slightest movement. Our pinkies connect. Goosebumps all over my spine. I look at him, and he looks back with his boyish smile. I smile back. It's nothing. I'd rest my arm on his shoulder. Just to feel him. Just to be somewhat close to him. I am taller after all. And it just doesn't mean anything.
The night before we were to head home, we drank. All my friends and I. As usual. I got drunk. We were all playing the counting game when suddenly the lights went out. It didn't stop us from playing. Joshua was beside me, our arms scraping every now and then. He had nice arms. His torso, despite not having abs, was pretty decent. Not that much fat. I remember this from the beach.
So there we were. After some time of shouting and just playing silly, I decided to sleep. I crawled up. Josh being a good friend, accompanied me. He helped me get to the boys room. We went inside, laughing at each other from the events that took place.
I tripped on the bed. Josh soon followed. We were still laughing. This time, most likely, from the alcohol. We were still able to see each other because of the moon outside.
* * *
We stared as we laughed together. I lied down on the bed, him beside me. Our heads near each other. I looked at him. I stopped laughing. And for some reason, he looked back.
It seemed as though the world stopped for a minute. As our lips were perched together. I was in shock. Him even more.
* * *
And that part I can't deny - is false. I wish it were true though. Much like a fantasy brought to life.
Maybe I'm in love.
I've almost forgotten what it feels like. The last time that I was - it was way back then with Mike. The feeling of how your heart beats faster whenever he's near. Well that's not happening yet. But what does happen, is this awkwardness. This silence. This air of something, when there's nothing. Like a chill from an open window. You know where the chill is coming from. But you don't know if you like it or not.
We went out. My friends and I. Including Josh. Out on the beach. So as you would expect, it was a nice wet and sweaty time with the guys and girls. More particularly Josh.
We played Frisbee. While playing, I dream of having my body rub his. Slowly with the roughness you'd get from hitting each other. Ten minutes later it happened. I was reaching for the disk, when he comes right after. Our bodies collide. My insides felt like it moved. And I lay there on the sand. With him right next to me. Our bodies touched. But it wasn't as sexy as I thought it would be. It hurt.
When we walked out with my friends. He'd usually stay close to me. And when we do. Our hands touch every now and then. The slightest movement. Our pinkies connect. Goosebumps all over my spine. I look at him, and he looks back with his boyish smile. I smile back. It's nothing. I'd rest my arm on his shoulder. Just to feel him. Just to be somewhat close to him. I am taller after all. And it just doesn't mean anything.
The night before we were to head home, we drank. All my friends and I. As usual. I got drunk. We were all playing the counting game when suddenly the lights went out. It didn't stop us from playing. Joshua was beside me, our arms scraping every now and then. He had nice arms. His torso, despite not having abs, was pretty decent. Not that much fat. I remember this from the beach.
So there we were. After some time of shouting and just playing silly, I decided to sleep. I crawled up. Josh being a good friend, accompanied me. He helped me get to the boys room. We went inside, laughing at each other from the events that took place.
I tripped on the bed. Josh soon followed. We were still laughing. This time, most likely, from the alcohol. We were still able to see each other because of the moon outside.
* * *
We stared as we laughed together. I lied down on the bed, him beside me. Our heads near each other. I looked at him. I stopped laughing. And for some reason, he looked back.
It seemed as though the world stopped for a minute. As our lips were perched together. I was in shock. Him even more.
* * *
And that part I can't deny - is false. I wish it were true though. Much like a fantasy brought to life.
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